Those of us who grew up in any generation prior to the
current 20-and-under crowd find ourselves astonished at how many children in
our kids’ classrooms and playgroups have moderate-to-severe allergies to nuts.
Having someone else’s child come over to your house to play or sleep over, or even
making fun snacks and treats for your child’s birthday, can be a bit of an
emotional rollercoaster: What can I make that’s safe for everyone? Will this
adjusted recipe still taste good? Did I touch any of the cooking utensils or
dishes with anything that has been in contact with nuts? Am I absolutely
certain that my ingredients are nut-free in every way imaginable?
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| Faces of Death. image credit to bioag.novozymes.com |
Let’s face it. Nut allergies are scary. They’re scarier to
deal with (for us average parents of non-allergic children) than milk allergies
or gluten intolerance or other food-related sensitivities. For some reason –
whether backed by science or simply what makes the news that we read – nut allergies
seem deadlier and more insidious. There are individuals who can even become
horribly ill – or worse – from being in proximity of nut particles in the
air. I mean, come on! If the idea that you might accidentally
distribute the almost invisible dust of death out into the breathing space of a
highly allergic child isn’t terrifying, I don’t know terrifying.
Hence, the inception of periodic peanut-free flights and the
dramatic rise in popularity of pretzels as airplane treats. (Not sure why plain
M&Ms haven’t become the obvious replacements for peanuts, but that’s for
another discussion.)
Let’s get serious, though. As with anything that requires tremendous
care, consideration and some level of restriction, the need to accommodate individuals,
even children, with nut allergies tends to upset some people. Moms and dads alike rail against the concept
of requiring all school snacks or brought-in birthday treats to be peanut free.
They act persnickety about the parents of these children taking a moment to send
out pre-birthday-party emails about the precautions needed to keep their kids
safe. The list of grievances is long and the frustration real.
So let’s go there. Let’s get real.
The reality is that if these parents didn’t take these
precautions, their children would be put in danger, sometimes mortal danger, every day in this country of ours where
so much of what we ingest and are exposed to includes nuts or nut particles. If
that’s not clear enough, let me be more concise: These parents who
insist on these precautions are protecting
their children. Their kids. The young people they not only are
required to raise and care for but that their instincts drive them to protect…
especially from anything deadly.
Some parents (of non-allergic children) who feel
inconvenienced suggest that children with such severe allergies should not be
allowed in public schools and shouldn’t be included in common outings and
parties, stating that if exposure is so dangerous, these sensitive children
likely should be kept tucked away from kids and crowds and mishaps. Let’s face
facts. This reaction isn’t about the safety of the kids with the nut allergies.
They’re about the fact that the safeguards that are put in place may
occasionally inconvenience their
kids. Essentially, it’s a douche-y response.
For the parents of non-allergic children who get bent out of
whack by precautions that are established to protect children with nut
allergies, I put together a little comparison for you, an if-this / if-that
list if you will, to help define which option might be the best option – keeping
severely allergic children separate from other kids or finding ways to include
them safely.
NUT-FREE SNACKS AND
TREATS AT SCHOOLS
If we restrict snacks and treats to
those that are nut-free, your child might have to wait until she is at home to eat
and enjoy her beloved peanut butter sandwich or the granola bar with nuts or her
favorite brownie. You might also have to avoid making cupcakes to bring in for
her birthday, since the ingredients may not come from a nut-free facility. I
know this is rough and a huge let-down.
If we don’t restrict snacks and
treats to those that are nut-free, the child with the nut allergy could die
from accidental exposure to or ingestion of nuts or nut particles.
PARENT REQUESTING
SPECIAL ACCOMMODATION IF THEIR CHILD ATTENDS YOUR CHILD’S BIRTHDAY PARTY
You have options here. You could
grumble but accommodate, possibly frustrating your child that he’s going to have
to wait until after his party to eat his favorite cake. You could not grumble but accommodate, with the same
results but likely with a better response from your child who believe it or not
does look to you as an example of how to respond to the world. I know either of
these options is emotionally wrenching, and the whining might be difficult to
bear. Of course, you could refuse to accommodate, be a completely and total
douche canoe, and exclude the allergic child from the party. (Hopefully in that
last instance your child will be a better human being than you and will
apologize to his classmate for your douche-ocity.)
If you don’t accommodate but simultaneously
don’t say anything back to the parents, or if you claim you’ll accommodate but
actually do not, the child with the nut allergy could die from
accidental exposure to or ingestion of nuts or nut particles.
THE QUESTION OF
WHETHER A CHILD WITH A SEVERE ALLERGY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND PUBLIC SCHOOL
If we allow a child with severe nut
allergies to attend public school, precautions have to be put in place to keep
that child safe and alive, just as precautions are in place to keep any non-allergic
child safe and alive. That includes becoming a nut-free zone (see above for all
of the strife that will put you through).
If we keep a child with severe nut
allergies out of public school, your child will be able to eat her favorite
snack when she wants to. She’ll be able to bring in whatever tasty treat – for lunch
or for snack or for celebration – that suits her whimsy, or yours. Your child
will get straight As and will be guaranteed years of happiness and future professional
success simply from lack of stress over the restrictions of a nut-free school
zone. Angels will weep with joy.
If we keep a child with severe nut
allergies out of public school, we put that child’s education, emotional health
and future at risk. Some parents are exceptional at homeschooling and put
public school education to shame; however, others struggle, either from lack of
knowledge, difficulty understanding how to convey concepts to a young learner,
or simply from the economic strain of having to choose between full-time
employment and the education needs of their child. We have schools for a reason
– not everyone is a good teacher by nature; the choice to homeschool should be
just that – a choice. Also, there are the inherent emotional risks of potentially
reducing opportunities for the excluded child to have peer-to-peer social
interaction – again, this is entirely dependent on the parent’s strengths to
accommodate this. In short, you risk a child’s childhood for the sake of others’ convenience.
I suppose that’s the most difficult part for me to get my
head around, this idea that anyone can feel that their child’s convenience is
more important than another child’s safety. It’s one thing to care more about
your child than any other child, but it borders on a pathological lack of
sympathy and empathy to put your child’s desires
above another child’s health or
well-being.
I can understand feeling frustrated about being restricted
from doing or having something you love or crave, and I can understand feeling frustrated
when your child faces this type of restriction. But when this is put into the
context of accommodating-my-frustration-versus-putting-someone-else-in-mortal-danger,
especially when that someone else is a child, suddenly I don’t really feel such
a strong need for that thing I miss. I don’t feel such an urge to fight for my
kids’ taste buds to be satisfied at any given point in the day. And when I
think about one child being entirely excluded from a rite of passage (yes, school
is a rite of passage) just to allow another child the freedom to eat whatever
he or she wants during the learning part of the day, the whole argument seems not
just a little bit pathetic and selfish and awful.
So if you feel strongly that your child faces powerful injustice
at the hands of the nut-free power lobby that his God-given and constitutionally
defended rights to eat his Nutty Buddy or his Snickers bar or his grandmother’s
banana nut bread are being infringed upon, please feel free to whine and gripe
and carry on. Have at it. Clearly, you have your priorities in good order. And when
you “swear to God” that you’re the kind of person who is selfless and looks out
for the good of others, don’t be surprised if I gingerly but quickly put a
little bit of physical distance between us. I’m not fond of standing that close
to a lightning rod.
