Dear 4th Graders,
You just missed out on something. I wanted to let you know. While you
were out running around on the playground, you missed out on something pretty
great.
Curious what it might have been? To answer you, let me tell you what I
observed, and maybe you’ll see for yourself.
Earlier, I watched as one of your own classmates approached first one
small group of you, then another, then another, a smile on his face, laughter
in his eyes. He jumped in with a few of you when it was time to take silly
pictures for the little end-of-year event your teachers put together for you.
You didn’t push him away, but you also didn’t look at him or laugh with him. He
ran up to your game of tag and asked if he could play. You didn’t tell him he
couldn’t, but you also didn’t run after him or try to tag him. You just allowed
your group to drift away from him time and again until he gave up trying to
participate. He joked with you about some of the class games your teachers set
up. You didn’t say anything mean to him in return, but you also didn’t look him
in the face or smile or do much of anything.
You didn’t actively push him away or aggressively exclude him. And at
the same time, you didn’t include him. In fact, you didn’t react to him at all.
It was as if he wasn’t there. You effectively turned him into a ghost. A non
entity. A nothing.
I’m sure some of you are decent kids. Some of you may even be nice,
under the right circumstances. But I have to wonder how so many “nice” kids can
be so very hurtful.
If you think about it for a moment, you’ll know the boy I’m referring
to. There’s no question. He’s the only classmate you so fully and assertively
shunned. Are you fooled by the smile on his face as he gives up and walks away
from you? Do you really allow yourself to believe that you don’t hurt him
deeply every time you treat him like he’s nothing? You’re smarter than that.
You’re better than that. At least, I like to believe that you are. Think about
it: how would you feel if you were in
his place, if you were treated the way you treat him over and over? How would
it feel to you if your classmates never acknowledged you, never listened to
you, never included you? How would you feel if no one seemed to care about your
very presence?
You’re probably wondering why I said you’re missing out. Allow me to
enlighten you.
That boy you exclude so readily? He’s about the least competitive kid
around, and because of that, he’s also pretty much the best cheerleader you
could ever hope to have. He’s supportive and generous, and if you needed
someone to call on for help of any kind, he would jump to help you in a
heartbeat without a worry about himself. He even cheers on the competition when
he plays games and sports, because he wants the best for everyone. How many
friends do you have like that? How many friends do you have who are completely
okay – even happy for you – if you win and they don’t? How many of your
friends, if they win, want to teach you what they know so that you can possibly
beat them next time? Or would they rather keep their skills to themselves
because winning, even with you, is what matters most to them?
That boy you don’t acknowledge is crazy smart. He could help you with
any school work you find challenging. He’d be a phenomenal partner on a class
project because he picks up knowledge almost as easily as breathing or drinking
water, but more than that, he understands how to use that knowledge, how to
manipulate numbers and words, and he can help you learn how to do it, too. He
loves sharing knowledge. He can make school easier for you. He’d like to.
That boy you ignore even when he’s right next to you saying hello and
trying to joke with you? He has a heart larger than your entire school. We all
go through fun times we want to share and tough times where we need someone to
listen. He’d go to the ends of the earth for any friend, to make them smile and
to make sure they’re okay.
That boy you look down on because maybe he’s awkward or small or a
little different from you? He’s also far braver than you. Any of you. Think
about how often he has approached you – in class or on the playground – and been
shunned by you, ignored by you, not accepted by you. If you were in his shoes,
how many times would it take before you just gave up? Think about that for a
moment. Think about how much that would hurt and how quickly you would stop
trying. But he doesn’t stop. He continues to try, over and over, a huge,
friendly smile on his face, hope shining through that maybe this time will be different, maybe this time you’ll include him… maybe this time he will be visible to you.
Imagine how much courage that takes. I’m not sure I’m that brave, and I’m
fairly certain you are not.
Today, I saw you miss out, my dear 4th graders. I saw you
walk right by the chance to make not only a great friend with a true champion
but also to get to know someone who’s more of a hero than you can imagine. Someone
kind and brave. Someone with more of a heart than any of you have shown.
Better luck next time.
