My Mom Is Awesomer Than Your Mom

The top 5 reasons my mom is awesomer than your mom:

1.       My mom never allowed me to get Sea Monkeys. Are you familiar with these creatures? They’re brine shrimp, marketed as itty bitty merpeople, that swim around all day – upside down, no less – in a tiny clear container, eating their sea monkey food and having random, anonymous “encounters” with other brine shrimp. (I say anonymous because I seriously doubt that even they can tell each other apart.) When I was a child, I was a comic book junkie. Archie. Teen Titans. Starfire. Richie Rich. Dark Wing. And every comic book had that one big ad, the bane of all parents, selling Sea Monkeys. Countless times I begged my mom to let me secure a colony of these creatures. And countless times I was crushed when she refused. Well, as luck would have it, my husband bought Sea Monkeys for my kids this Christmas. And as it turns out, my mom was right. They’re irritating, boring little buggers.

2.       My mom not only babysits my children, but she asks to spend time with them. It is such a relief, when I go out of town, to know that my mom is not only willing but happy to help my husband take care of the kids. And I go out of town regularly for work. Plus, she offers to give my husband and me date night breaks and time to take care of household stuff here and there on weekends. Pretty great, eh? Now, to be fair, she’s not terribly fond of watching newborns. These offers started coming in regularly only after the kids became a bit older and more self-sufficient. So if you have a newborn and a mom who loves taking care of newborns, for now your mom may be better than my mom on this point. For you. But in a few years, my mom will win this point again. Hands down.

3.       When I was in my late teens and early twenties, mom allowed me the freedom to gain independence and experience. When I was in high school, she allowed me to go to Europe on class trips. Twice. Without her tagging along as chaperone. Without bombarding me with warnings and rules and fear. She told me to go and have a wonderful experience and to tell her all about it when I got home. Later, she encouraged me to attend college several hours from home, at minimum, so I would be forced not to come home on weekends, forced to create my own life on my own terms. And when I moved to the other side of the country after graduation, she never expressed doubt or concern or sadness, but instead she helped me learn how to set myself up and stand on my own two feet. My mom way trumps yours on that count. Unless you are my friend Nana, in which case your mom is on par with mine on this point.

4.       When I was a child, my mom totally looked like a cross between Sandy Duncan and Olivia Newton-John. Depending on your age, you almost certainly know who Olivia Newton-John is, between her singing career and her roles in Grease (classic for all time) and Xanadu (just awful, but addictive music). But you may have no idea who is this Sandy Duncan person. She was only one of the cutest little blonde stars of the ‘70s! She was Peter Pan on Broadway.  In the musical. She got to sing and fly and fight Captain Hook and lead a group of Lost Boys. And even cooler, she guest starred on both Bionic Woman and the Six Million Dollar Man. So essentially, when I was growing up, my mom was a blend of Sandy Olsen and Peter Pan. Minus the crazy frizz “You’re the One That I Want” hairdo. And she couldn’t fly. As far as you know.

Fantastic Sandy Duncan image thanks to neverpedia.com

5.       My mom taught me proper use of the English language. She wasn’t harsh about it when I was a child, but she did make sure I read a lot (not like that was a struggle… reading is my drug of choice). She gently corrected me when I used poor grammar, even when I was very young. And when I wanted to know the definition of a word, she made me look it up so I would know not just what it meant but how it was spelled. Now, I know summa youz might not think grammer or speling is importint. And with all of today’s LOLing & WTFing & OMGing, I often SMH and wonder if today’s kids will B able 2 do more than TXT. 4 realz. But as an English major whose career was built on the use and manipulation of the English language, I can assert unequivocally that English mastery is not only beneficial but exceedingly advantageous. At the very least, if you use proper spelling and grammar, you remove a distraction; if you speak and write properly, people will be more likely to focus on what you say and less likely to nitpick the errors in how you said it. At least so my mom says. And my mama knows grammar…

Right now, she’s probably cringing that I used the word “awesomer” in this post.