Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Is It Me, Or Is It SkyMall?

Tonight, my friends, I am tired. I am so very, very tired. It’s a good kind of tired. A pleasant tired. An I-made-dinner-for-my-mom-for-her-birthday-and-she-loved-it tired. An I-had-a-lovely-glass-of-wine (or two) and-then-I-had-brownies-and-milk tired. Yum.

Because I’m so pleasantly tired, today’s post won’t be about anything serious. Tonight, I’m not going to take on the gay marriage naysayers (by the way, way to go NY!), Casey Anthony, Canada geese versus Canadian geese, the whole black toenail polish rage or any of the silliness or awfulness going on out there in the world.

Okay, one exception. I do have one serious comment to make. I have a couple of friends who will not be named who did not like the movie “Super 8.” To them I have one thing to say, and I say it with love: Haters.

Now that that’s off my chest… tonight is dedicated to a few SkyMall listings. Are you familiar with SkyMall?  If not, go fly away somewhere. No, I’m not telling you to bug off. SkyMall is a fabulous – absolutely wonderful – catalogue of items and wares that you didn’t know you needed or wanted until you opened the pages. Once you have seen them, however, you know that you absolutely have to have that glowy lamp or massage chair or your very own Easter Island monolith statue (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up). This wonderful catalogue can be found in the back pocket of just about every airline seat in America… and beyond.

When I was on my horrid flight to Phoenix, I spent much of my pre-Cooking Light time trying to distract myself by reading SkyMall. I don’t know if it was because I was on the brink of a breakdown thanks to aisle seat neighbor, but I found myself giggling out loud while perusing the pages.

Before I continue, let me state unequivocally that I adore SkyMall and would love to own pretty much everything in it. And while the rest of this post may seem like I’m poking fun, the humor I found in SkyMall that fateful afternoon helped save my sanity. If you can call me sane. Which may be doubtful.

Here are the highlights of my SkyMall observations from last week. Enjoy, and be sure to send me your Hanukkah/Christmas list by late August to allow ample shipping time:

This, my friends, should be named Terror-On-A-Tree-Stump. Its sole purpose clearly is to teach children fear of all things natural and woodsy. However, the best part of this is the description to the left of the photo. Do you see it? It states that this icon of horror is "brimming with whimsical personality." I'm curious about the copywriter's definition of "whimsical." 

Insecure about your physique? Why, just attach these inflatable arm and chest muscles! Wow the ladies! Intimidate your rivals! For added bulk, include the optional neck and knee pads. (These are, of course, hot/cold wraps intended for physical therapy... in theory.) 

"Sweetheart, time-outs don't really seem to be helping you much. So here's the deal: Next time you misbehave, we're sending you here."

I don't know what you see, but I see a cat sticking its head out of a webcam.

Girl on LEFT -- Pushing on flexible door screen, intended to prevent injury and screen breakage. Woman on RIGHT -- Walking through hanging "screen door" that attaches in the middle with magnets, which essentially just opens for you as you walk through. VERY IMPORTANT: Do not put the wrong one on the wrong door.

And finally...

I couldn't end this post without showing you the Easter Island "Ahu Akivi Moai" Monolith Statue. Curbside Delivery Available.

Until next time...


  1. OMG! Your observations, as always, crack me up! Thanks for sharing. Cheers to SkyMall. I hope to read it again soon. - Lindy

  2. I love the SkyMall. Thanks for sharing - I wouldn't have wanted to miss these terrific offerings! P.S. At the rate you eat brownies, why don't you weigh 500 pounds? ;-)

  3. Thanks, ladies! I was seriously laughing out loud on the plane. Oh, and thanks for the reminder about the brownies, Pam! I bought more mix last night and must begin baking shortly...


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