I May Not Be A Smart Man

I may not be a smart man. In fact, I'm not a man at all. But I know what "old" is. At least, I do as of this morning.

So there I was, sitting in my car at a red light, looking for and removing white hairs from my 'do, when I looked in the rear view mirror and noticed my son watching me. His eyes caught mine, and he decided to enlighten me with a little advice.

Check out those white invaders in my rich brunette locks! Out! Out, I say!

Bear:  "Mom, you may have some white hairs, but you're not old."
Me:  "No?"
Bear:  "No. Forty-two is still young. You are young and beautiful."
Me:  "Why thank you, angel."
Bear:  "Think of it like rounding. Forty-nine and under, you're young. Fifty and up, you're old."
Me:  "Are you saying that when I turn fifty, I'll be old?"
Bear:  "Yep."
Me:  "Cool. Then I have a while yet to enjoy my youth."

There you have it, folks. If you're forty-nine or younger, you're young. Otherwise, just give up and accept your elderly status.

So says Bear.

When I Grow Up…

When I grow up, I promise to:

• Stop kvetching about my group project teammates (aside from Project Coach) who can’t seem to get their heads out of their arses to contribute something to our project that is due in 2 weeks. Something. Anything. Please.
• Be able to hear the word “moist” without feeling required to text it or email it immediately to my sister, who finds the word revolting. Moist.
• Quit wearing pigtails. Except when I run. Or when it’s summer. Or when my hair is long.
• Try to grasp the importance of mani-pedis.
• Reconsider my sheer adoration of my white hairs. (They are not gray. They are bright white and make my hair look sparkly.)
• Admit that I want the red wine, I don’t need the red wine.
• Stop eating cookies for dinner. At least as far as you know.
• Stop laughing when my 3-year-old says, in frustration, “Fucking ridiculous!”
• Finally break down and watch Rocky. (Don’t judge me.)
• Finally break down and have my Grease, Hair & Hairspray festival (you know what I’m talking about, M.E.).
• Quit procrastinating doing my schoolwork by writing blog posts.

Okay, so maybe I won’t really do that last one.  What do you promise to do when you grow up?