I'm Divorced

I’m a divorcee. Sure, I’m happily remarried and all, but I did go through a divorce. I’m just putting that out there. Because, you know, if you ever decide to vote for me – as if I’d ever run for public office – or consider hiring or promoting me into a management-level role, I want to make it clear that I’m not necessarily an “A player” when it comes to personal relationships.

I made a vow of “forever” several years ago that I didn’t ultimately honor, and therefore, according to the citizenry of our country, I may not qualify for leadership. True, I didn’t cheat on my ex-husband, but I’ll admit that there were a few boyfriends in my lifetime to whom I may have been less than faithful (if you are an ex-boyfriend and are reading this, I swear that you’re not one of the ones I cheated on, darling). But still, I failed at a theoretically permanent, commited relationship. So apparently my business acumen must be wanting.

Think about it for a moment. I mean, seriously, what better reflects my business ethics – my tendency (or lack thereof, in hypothetical world) to keep my opposite-sex relationships appropriate or, say, a few instances during my lengthy career of standing up to what I considered to be unethical practices, at the risk of retaliation? Should I be judged by my ability to grasp my clients’ needs and determine successful solutions for them or by my ability (or lack thereof, in hypothetical world) to remain faithful to my husband? On the flip side of this, the last time you learned of a friend or colleague cheating on a significant other, was your first instinct to doubt his or her professional capabilities, or perhaps was it more along the lines of, "I guess I'm kind of glad right now that he and I never got involved."

Before I drive the point not only into the ground but deep down into the core of poor mother earth, I’ll stop with the silliness. Or maybe we should all stop with the silliness. Do we elect officials to represent and fight for our interests as citizens – businesses, taxpayers, countrymen – or to be bastions of moralistic purity? Isn’t that what the clergy is for – to keep us on the path of morality and watch out for our souls? Is it really our place to act as watchdogs in the bedrooms of our elected officials? Really?

And by the way, before you pepper me with questions about "how can you say that about what this one did" or "what about the level of awful committed by that one," of course there are different heights of terrible which some of these folks have achieved. But before you go down the road of "well, if you say this for one of them, you have to say it for all of them," I have two words for you: Zero Tolerance. It's not appropriate for schools, and it's not appropriate for assessing people's relationship blunders, in my opinion.

At the end of the day, frankly, if we want the government to stay out of our bedrooms, shouldn’t we stay out of theirs? I’m just sayin’…

If you're (1) an elected official, (2) of the male persuasion and (3) still unconvinced that these shenanigans should be avoided, at least CLICK HERE for some solid advice from last night's Daily Show.